


Clearing the Head

by mrsgreenworld



Series: Clearing Things Up [2]
Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: Angst, F/M, Healing, Love, Post-Amaru (From Dusk Till Dawn), Post-Canon, post-season 3, seth swears because he's seth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsgreenworld/pseuds/mrsgreenworld
Summary: It's been barely a week since, using Seth's words, they “cleared the air”. They admitted their feelings, laid out their hearts for each other to see. They both confessed their love. They shared one very heated kiss. Then why does Kate find herself avoiding him?...
Relationships: Kate Fuller/Seth Gecko
Series: Clearing Things Up [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614439
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Clearing the Head

Barely a week has passed since – as Seth put it – they “cleared the air”. They finally bared their souls and hearts to one another, making all unspoken things between them spoken. They shared one heated, mind-blowing, ovaries-melting kiss. And, while saying everything out loud was supposed to make everything real, help clear up any misunderstandings, get rid of any doubts, Kate still finds all of it alarmingly surreal. It feels too good to be true. Feels like a trap. As if it's going to crumble, Amaru is about to pop out and in reality none of it has even happened, it has all been a figment of her imagination, a sweet illusion.

So, that's how and why Kate ends up avoiding Seth these past few days. Which is pretty challenging in their although a three-bedroom but still too tiny apartment. Of course Kate could just lock herself in her room but she doesn't want to be too obvious in her avoiding game. She doesn't want to hurt Seth's feelings or burden him any more than she already has.

That's how she finds herself surfing the net in search for a therapist in one of the nearest towns. The town they're staying in is too small to offer such luxury as professional psychological help. However, she is lucky enough to find a practicing psychiatrist only about thirty miles away. Under pretense of going to a therapy session she leaves the apartment early in the morning and just... drives.

Sometimes she drives to the actual town where her supposed “therapy” should take place. Sometimes she finds herself driving farther. On more than one occasion she's drifted towards the ocean. She spends the whole day on the beach then, staring into distance, far beyond the horizon. Or sitting on warm sand with her eyes closed, listening to a quiet whisper of the waves and inhaling the scent of the sun, salt and... freedom.

She doesn't, however, feel free. Her nightmares are not getting any better. They still creep into her waking hours. And sometimes she can swear that she hears a quiet voice in her head that sounds exactly like _**her**_, reminding Kate of all the things she's lost, the things she's done, the things she is now and the things she'll never be. Like she'll never be what Seth needs, wants and deserves. Surely, he's said that what he's wanted for a long time is her. But Kate knows it's the other her. The one who spent all those months with him on the run, hopping from one Mexican city to another. The one who, although changed, having suffered the horrors of Twister and having lost everything, was still Kate at her core. Still hopeful, still holding on to the bits of light. Still carrying a soul inside of her.

Now she just... feels hollow. As if Amaru has sucked out her soul before vanishing and freeing her body. So Kate doesn't feel that what's left of her will ever be enough for Seth. It's not fair that this is what he's left with. He has come such a long and thorny way from being a regular criminal and a drug addict to the man he is now. And this man deserves so much more than what's Kate thinks of herself now. She wants to give him the world. Wants to drown him in hope and light and love. But she doesn't have anything left. Of course what she said to him is still true – she does love him. She just doesn't think this is the kind of love he needs and deserves.

All these thoughts incessantly swirling in her head push her into doing what she's doing – hastily shoving all her possessions into a duffel bag. There's not much to pack. Just a couple of T-shirts, a pair of jeans, sleep shorts and a tank, underwear, some toiletries. It's still in the early hours of morning but the sun has risen so Richie is back from his nighttime food search. Kate heard him go to bed about an hour ago. It's too early for Seth to wake up which means that both of the Gecko brothers should be asleep. That's why Kate practically jumps out of her skin when she hears:

“_What are you doing?”_

She whirls around and sees a sleep-ruffled Seth standing in the doorway, looking confused.

“_I... I am just...”_

“_You are just what, Kate? Packing all your stuff at 5 a.m. to do what exactly?”_

“_That's … that's not what it looks like”_ she stutters.

“_Oh, really? So you weren't packing a bag just to sneak out while Richie and I are asleep? What the fuck is this?” _

All vestiges of sleep are gone and Seth looks more and more agitated with every passing second.

“_What? You've got nothing to say?” _

Kate stares at him with wide eyes, breath caught and words stuck in her throat. She can feel tears starting to form. _**No-no-no...**_ Now is _**not**_ a good time to cry.

“_Were you or were you not going to just leave?”_ Seth asks in a deceptively calm voice.

But Kate knows it's the calm before the storm.

“_I … just need some time. That's all”_ Kate whispers.

And Seth explodes:

“_**Fuck!”**_ he turns to his right, to the dresser standing right next to the door and slams his fists on the top of it, rattling an old piece of furniture.

Kate jumps a little at his outburst. Seth doesn't turn around for a solid minute, just breathing heavily through his nose. Then he starts talking in a much more controlled voice:

“_Are you fucking serious? After everything? That's what I get? You running away without even so much as a goodbye?” _

He turns around then and his red-rimmed wet eyes wrack the remnants of her heart.

“_I fucking told you that I **love** you. And you... you told me that you love me too. You made me believe that you love me”_

He sounds so broken that she can no longer hold back her tears.

“_I do. So much”_

“_Then why? Why are you fucking **leaving** me?”_

“_**Because**__ I __**love**__ you! __I love you more than anything or anyone and I want... I want __**everything**__ for you! And I cannot give it you! Because I am __**broken**__!”_ she shouts through ugly tears streaming down her face.

“_Don't you get it? You **are** everything! To me... you **are everything**. Broken or not. I don't care. I would have put you back together if you had just let me. All this avoiding, all this therapy crap... I was giving you time and space, waiting for you to stop all of that and just **come to me**. And instead you were planning a freaking escape! Like I am still that guy who held you captive!”_

“_You are not! Of course you are not!”_

“_Then why are you treating me like one?!”_

“_It's not you ...”_

“_Oh, don't give me that “it's not you, it's me” crap!”_

They both fall silent, breathing heavily. They've both been pretty loud so there's no way that Richie is still asleep. Anyone without enhanced senses would be awake by now so Kate knows that he's just giving her and Seth some space and privacy and cannot help but feel grateful.

“_I don't know how to be what you need and deserve”_ she admits quietly.

“_I don't deserve shit. And you **are** what I need and want and cannot be without”_

“_I am not... I am not **her **anymore. I am not the Kate you met, not the Kate who was with you in Mexico... I am not **your** Kate”_

“_Let me be the judge of that. All of this talk that I somehow deserve something and putting what you think I need and want before your own needs and wants is pretty much what **my** Kate does. You **are** her. You will **always** be **my** Kate” _

Seth then takes a step closer to her and Kate whimpers, wrapping arms around her middle as if trying to keep her insides from spilling out.

“_What do __**you**__ want?”_ Seth asks quietly, carefully.

“_Don't think about me, what you think **I** want. Think about yourself. What do **you really** want? Do you want to leave? Because if that's what you want, if you think that's what you need and it is something that will help, then I won't keep you here. I will not make you stay. I want you here, with me. But only if you want it too”_

“_I just want to forget. I want it all to go away. I want to feel and be myself again. And I want … __**you**__”_ she whispers, pleading him with her eyes.

He steps a bit closer when he says:

“_You have me, baby. I can help you heal. I can help you forget. Let me. **Please**”_

She looks at him, hot tears still tracking down her cheeks. Then one of her arms leaves her middle and her hand reaches for him. He lets out a sharp breath, grasps her tiny fingers and makes one final step to close the distance between them. He envelopes her completely in his arms, hugging her tightly to his chest, so tightly that her feet leave the ground. He presses his face into her neck and murmurs into her skin:

“_No more hiding, no more avoiding, no more bullshit therapy, no more sulking in your room alone. And since your stuff is already packed, you're moving into the room with me. Not leaving you to face your nightmares all by yourself anymore. I've allowed it to go on for far too long already”_

She just nods, holding on to him.

“_Wanna clear your head a bit?”_ Seth asks her quietly, still talking into her neck.

She nods.

“_I'll drive then. Show me where you've been going instead of your so called therapy”_

They pull apart a bit, just enough to look each other in the eye.

“_How do you know?”_

“_You're a terrible liar, Fuller. Zero poker face” _Seth smirks at her but his eyes are warm.

She rewards him with a tiny smile of her own and finally feels that she can breathe a little more deeply, a little more freely.


End file.
